I've been feeling nostalgic lately. Looking at old stories and concepts I created as a kid has really made me think. I'm sure every writer who started out young looks back on the stuff they wrote as a kid and cringes until their neck is sore. I know I do. But there is something about that old work that really does hold something special.
Growing up is hard. It's a natural thing, but hey, so is childbirth, and that's not easy either. Lifestyle and circumstance do hugely impact a child's growing years, but even for a kid with a perfect family, the very process is difficult. We all begin life with a natural curiosity, an ache to learn, grow, discover, and play. Our world is very, very small, and the most important thing is what we are going to do that day. The previous day or the next just don't matter as much.
The older we get, the more our world expands with our mind. We learn about war, about people killing each other and families being ripped apart. We learn about careless people who live with no thought of the consequences of their actions. We learn that a human being can despise and kill another with no remorse.
Let's bring this back to writing. As a kid, I wrote fantastical stories about other kids who would run away from home and stumble upon a mission to save the President of the United States. I wrote about female warriors (hi there, beta Of Frost). I dabbled in poetry, adventure, romance, and even horror. I wrote what I felt with no thought of how it looked afterward. I felt the inspiration and I poured it out.
Throughout my own personal "growing up," I've studied English both academically and recreationally. As I studied and grew, my taste in books changed. The drawn-out prose of Victorian writers no longer bored me. It fascinated me, because I finally understood how beautiful that writing is. I started reading autobiographies, and I was riveted by the true tales of these people's lives. But as I gained an understanding of the world, I became self-conscious. Suddenly, the books I read were no longer as entertaining. I felt like I was drowning in a sea of superior writers. I could no longer touch fantasy books; their incredible world-building, character development, and twisting plots only daunted me.
The wide eyes of childhood became clouded in self-doubt. My writing became as closed-off as I was becoming. Through the betrayal of friends, the mockery I faced as a kid, and the pressure of the other writers, my writing choked. My sentences all sounded the same. Nothing I came up with was interesting. Nothing would sell.
I suppose that's also part of growing up--accepting yourself. And although this message is preached from every rooftop, it's harder to apply to your own personal skills. Being a perfectionist, I have to be the best at everything. That's why I've gravitated to reading autobiographies, mostly. I don't have to top someone else's real life.
If you're a beginning writer, try to accept yourself and your writing. Perhaps you haven't had as much education as that other writer you so admire. Perhaps your plots seem cliche and your twists are expected, but that's just because you wrote it. I've said this before, and I'll say it again--no one can write your story like you can.
Open yourself up. Stop writing to top other people and just write. Write straight from your heart. Who cares what the rest of the world thinks of it? If you have a story to tell, tell it, and tell it in your voice.
-AC
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